I know when I started this blog my excitement was evident. I had accomplished a long time goal. Writer me was anxious to get everything done as fast as possible. Reader me, was researching everything. Yet, I work full time,the holidays, and my children, and trying to be a wife who has energy for her husband is completely exhausting and debilitating sometimes. Even in exhaustion I always find time to be a wife and mom. However, ask me how to manage time for myself and I usually laugh. Time for myself is a foreign country?
A friend of mine pointed out something today I hadn't really thought of.
My friend said: Your frame of mind is to be a mother and a wife. Your mind will be used for them first. That statement was so true. The "me" in the scenario left after I got married and had kids. I will always put there needs about my own. I can always find the kids stuff, my hubby's stuff. Ask me where mine is, I have no idea most of the time. I laugh about it, joke that even at 38 I am senile. In actuality I am amazed if I get an hour to myself, and honestly I am not usually thinking about writing. Even though it is such a huge part of who I am, I still chose it last? I wonder if this it the reason for my writers block these past two months. I never intended to not write for two months. Everything I have read about blogs, says you are supposed to write every week to get a following? My goodness, I don't even get a day off some weeks.
So my natural reaction when I cannot write is "mom mode." Which is okay because its also me. It is not a motivator to write though. So I have felt recently like this maybe isn't what I am supposed to do. I have been second guessing myself and making excuses not to write..This procrastination is not me. I am usually an all or nothing gal. So I have been cleaning, cooking, and doing all these other things instead of write. I wonder if anyone else experiences this? I also had a birthday in January and as you age, I think you spend time thinking about what you haven't done. So the above picture is accurate for how I have been feeling lately about my writing. I also started editing and took out good stuff because I was over analyzing things like always. The below picture is also accurate lol..
Then a co-worker encouraged me, an another demanded more pages, and then a dream I had about the story actually made sense. Here I am; excited about writing again and motivated to share this story with you. I was stuck in this scene and didn't know how to write my girl out of it. Then it just came to me and I stared writing at my lunch that day.
So my self-doubt just about overwhelmed me, and it almost succeeded. Yet, I am here again and trying anew. Cross your fingers and kick writers block on its a@%..That is what I am going to do.
~Until next time readers, and hopeful writers. Jess =)
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