The Writer who succumbed to writers block, The Reader who went back to being just a mom.

 I know when I started this blog my excitement was evident. I had accomplished a long time goal. Writer me was anxious to get everything done as fast as possible. Reader me, was researching everything. Yet, I work full time,the holidays, and my children, and trying to be a wife who has energy for her husband is completely exhausting and debilitating sometimes. Even in exhaustion I always find time to be a wife and mom.  However, ask me how to manage time for myself and I usually laugh. Time for myself is a foreign country?

 A friend of mine pointed out something today I hadn't really thought of.

 My friend said: Your frame of mind is to be a mother and a wife. Your mind will be used for them first.  That statement was so true. The "me" in the scenario left after I got married and had kids. I will always put there needs about my own. I can always find the kids stuff, my hubby's stuff. Ask me where mine is, I have no idea most of the time. I laugh about it, joke that even at 38 I am senile. In actuality I am amazed if I get an hour to myself, and honestly I am not usually thinking about writing. Even though it is such a huge part of who I am, I still chose it last? I wonder if this it the reason for my writers block these past two months. I never intended to not write for two months. Everything I have read about blogs, says you are supposed to write every week to get a following? My goodness, I don't even get a day off some weeks.

 So my natural reaction when I cannot write is "mom mode." Which is okay because its also me. It is not a motivator to write though. So I have felt recently like this maybe isn't what I am supposed to do. I have been second guessing myself and making excuses not to write..This procrastination is not me. I am usually an all or nothing gal. So I have been cleaning, cooking, and doing all these other things instead of write. I wonder if anyone else experiences this? I also had a birthday in January and as you age, I think you spend time thinking about what you haven't done. So the above picture is accurate for how I have been feeling lately about my writing. I also started editing and took out good stuff because I was over analyzing things like always. The below picture is also accurate lol..

 Then a co-worker encouraged me, an another demanded more pages, and then a dream I had about the story actually made sense. Here I am; excited about writing again and motivated to share this story with you. I was stuck in this scene and didn't know how to write my girl out of it. Then it just came to me and I stared writing at my lunch that day.

 So my self-doubt just about overwhelmed me, and it almost succeeded. Yet, I am here again and trying anew. Cross your fingers and kick writers block on its a@%..That is what I am going to do.

~Until next time readers, and hopeful writers. Jess =)

The Writer who's never been to a critique group before?

 So I may be the only writer on the planet who has never been to a critique group. I was trying to figure out why I had never been critiqued. My result I have been living in my story, and its characters for so long (10+ years) I forgot to ask what other people thought. Does anyone else have this problem? Every project I enter into is a complete immersive experience and I forget all else lol. I either have an all or nothing button. I use with everything in my life. There is not medium button.
I started editing my book and I have to stop myself from over editing. It is very hard. I worry I do not have enough, and then I worry I have to much so it is a precarious ledge I find myself on.

So when I went to a critique it was just to see what it was all about, and it was very interesting. I was intrigued by all these people and there amazing ideas and stories. So many different ages of writers too, There were retirees, college students, moms, teachers, college professors, and me just a working gal. It was also an affirmation for the Writer me, that I am not too old to chase this dream, I am not too old to get this book published. The moderator is actually a publisher and an editor so her experience is going to be so great too. The best part for the Reader me, it was fifteen books being read simultaneously  in two hours, it was awesome. I was thoroughly impressed by how the group was organized and run. Each person critiqued two pieces in a group of fifteen. Each person got assigned different books each week so there's lots of variety.  There is memoirs, short stories, children's, science fiction, young adult, romance, humor, and action adventure in this group. I cannot wait to go back in December. Unfortunately I can only go this group once a month. In my rotation at the hospital I only get one Tuesday off a month, this  group meets every Tues morning. So my stuff has not been evaluated yet. It will be next month though. I will have to keep you posted as to how that goes. I took most of last month off from my reading and my writing, I was a little burnt out I admit. We had a lot of family activities as well.

 Writer me, has been doing some study this month on the psychological aspects of characters.Characterization etc. I found a wonderful book at the library called: Breathing life into your Characters. How to give your characters Emotional, and Psychological depth. By author Rachel Ballon PhD... I was so wonderful in fact I bought my very own copy. I will have to keep you all updated on how that book goes and how this pertains to my new Character in my second book. Reader me is working on an 8 book series I just got from the library. It is action/thriller/romance which is what my second book in progress is. So its also research at least that is what I tell myself lol.

In reference to what I was reading, this last month. I didn't read much but my kids were reading a lot of the R.L.Stine Goosebumps series, and it reminded me of a favorite author I read when I was just 13-15. Christopher Pike, his scary young adults books were just what I needed when I went through my goth, and black period. I wore only black and read only horror Frankenstein, Bram Stokers Dracula, and numerous other titles. He was a wonderful author that focused on high school students and murders in small towns. They were fantastic. In the spirit of Halloween and last month. Here is the link to his page: https://www.facebook.com/ChristopherPikeBooks
http://christopherpikefanclub.com

Until next time readers, and hopeful writers. Jess =)

Research and Real life!

 As a mother and wife, I find myself constantly pulled in ten thousand directions, I always seem to put others before myself. I chose to do other things for them. Then my research on agents, or I miss critique meetings because my children are sick. I wonder sometimes if I will ever have time to complete my personal goals, like published novel, or college degree. Both things, I have consistently put off because I put family first. it is something at a young age I was taught to do.

My mom (whom I have a great relationship with now) walked out on my dad and us kids. Myself age 13, My sister age 7, and my brother age 6. So at the tender age of 13 I had to take on the responsibility of the household duties and my siblings with no help! I didn't know how to do laundry or cooking? My mom never taught me those things. I am not sure why. I taught myself, and I learned quick and I have always been the fixer and the planner. I am very good at helping others, I fall short when it comes to myself though.

 It is a lengthy story, but at its heart is the most profound thing.
 My mom spent her life taking care of my dad, us kids, the neighbor kids, daycare kids, in church daycare. She gave up her chance at a college degree, and good job with a cosmetic company (one she adored) to marry my dad. She was only 19. She an my father didn't communicate at all. My mom would think my dad could read her non-verbal signals (as we know men are not mind readers, neither are we) My mom spent her free time writing, she is one of my biggest inspirations to write. She was a fantastic poet, and writer. She told us stories, each day she would pick out a random word in the dictionary and we would learn its definition. It was amazing. I could see the light in her eyes an the excitement. It was contagious. She even had one of her stories published. She won a writing contest too. She was so excited she told my dad. He was UN-impressed. My mom was crushed. She stopped sending her writing out, and she stopped telling us stories. She gave up. She was so hurt, but she never told my dad. She still hasn't published her stories. I am trying to encourage her too. Its a challenge she has convinced herself she is no good and won't even try. I am working on it. =)

 Mind you my dad was not perfect, I still wonder if she would have explained how much that meant to her, would his reaction have been the same? Why do I talk about this. Well in my own life I have seen many similarities to my mom and me. I find myself drifting away from my goals. Doing all for others and not myself. It is my husband that shakes me out of this funk and encourages me to pursue this dream. I am so lucky to have that.

My first year of college I told my dad I wanted to major in English. My dad told me that writing was not a job. That English teachers are a dime a dozen, and I needed to get a real job? I was crushed by that statement,so I changed my degree to Business in response to this. I respected my dad and thought he was right. I learned he was very wrong at least for me. I listened to the egotistical male teachers talk about business as if they were the kings. Everything was done only one way. It was so frustrating for me, my creative mind was screaming get me out of here. So I dropped business. I returned to English, with a minor in History. It was a great move for me. I loved school again and was learning everything I could. Still have not finished that degree, I am very close and, returning to school hopefully the winter term. Moral to this is I need to get moving on my goals.

My reading this week has included a lot of publishing, and agent books, as well as the writers market. My research brain is tired. I am making sure to educate myself with this business decision, my agent and my book.

 I am reminded of one of the first series books I read at the age of 13. The Little House on the Prairie series, I also loved the television show when I was a kid. Wonderful stories. Wonderful family. My love of history and creative imagination loved these.

Here is a link to learn more about the Author: Laura Ingalls Wilder;

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laura_Ingalls_Wilder

A wonderful read for any little girl, and great intro to series books!

The list of books (thanks to Wikipedia):

Little House books

The eight "original" Little House books, were published by Harper and Brothers with illustrations by Helen Sewell (the first three) or by Sewell and Mildred Boyle.

• Little House in the Big Woods (1932) – named to the inaugural Lewis Carroll Shelf Award list in 1958
• Farmer Boy (1933) – about Almanzo Wilder growing up in New York
• Little House on the Prairie (1935)
• On the Banks of Plum Creek (1937)^[b]
• By the Shores of Silver Lake (1939)^[b]
• The Long Winter (1940)^[b]
• Little Town on the Prairie (1941)^[b]
• These Happy Golden Years (1943)^[b]