Everyone has read that one book, where a character you love dies. It is one of those heart wrenching moments. Sometimes it adds more depth to your protagonist, and other times it is the protagonist. I have read books where I love the character, get all the way to the end and the author kills them! My first reaction is to throw book across room, second reaction is of disbelief. I think their is a small measure of grief that comes with that characters demise even if its in a fictional world. One that tore me apart was when
Professor Dumbledore died, I was devastated. I wasn't even sure I wanted to read
Deathly Hallows after his demise. It would not be the same. However I did read Deathly Hallows and it was explained why that character died and much of his life was given in that book too. It to this day is still one of my most favorite series of books, and the movies were pretty good too.
In my book I just finished writing their was a poignant scene in which my guy protagonists mother dies from cancer, it was one of those times I struggled so much as a writer because I loved her so much. I was sad and emotional and I found that I couldn't write it. Instead I had her live to see the happy ending and then after the wedding pass. It was a scene I still wonder if I should include that death scene or leave be.
In my personal life right now I am dealing with the last days of my
ailing grandfather he is not doing well and I am struggling to grieve and still be brave for my mothers whose father is dying, my siblings losing their grandfather, and my children who are losing a great-grandfather. I am somehow holding in my grief for the benefit of others, I am not sure if this is healthy but I am dealing with it slowly I think. As soon as he left the hospital after two weeks I understood it was not a good sign, the doctors said there was nothing else they could do. I can handle the facts. Today though I was told by the doctors and hospice nurse said that it will be anywhere from
two days to two weeks that he will be gone. It is so strange that now having a date, or supposed date it is final, like its already over. In a book as a reader you don't have time to plan or expect the demise it just happens there is not time to grieve or wonder..It is sudden an awful at times, that is the emotions that the author portrays.
The book "If I stay."by Gayle Foreman that question of mortality is taken to another plain entirely
what if you were trapped between life and death what would you chose? This is a great book if you haven't read it.. I am reading it for a second time. I just rented to movie so I hope that turns out good too. To continue if an author is successful you are also immersed in that story and fully in that pain. It is a type of grief, I think all readers should experience at least once. As a writer however this is more difficult to write, I think because you have to reach deep into yourself an actually feel the pain. That is why I am struggling with it. I feel its necessary to go back into my book and write this scene and with all the emotion I am feeling now with my grandfather it will be raw and genuine I hope it will translate like I want it too.
Another character and a completely different film that was difficult to see a character die was the one and only
Obi Wan Can-obi, it was so sudden and shocking it took a few scenes to actually digest that it happened. I think that is what made it more powerful too. It is funny, if a writer tells the story correctly it doesn't matter if we are
in space on
on earth, or
even a space between life an death we are there and feeling that grief. Yet if that
death had not happened would
Luke have stepped up and became a
Jedi, or if
Dumbledore had not sacrificed himself would
Harry have done what he needed too to defeat
Voldemort? These things not matter how horrible shaped these characters lives and helped them became the
brave heroes they needed to be in their story. Without there bravery we would not have wanted Luke or Harry to succeed.
Harry avenged his parents, and
Dumbledore.
Luke was able to see the good in his
father when everyone else said he was a lost cause. Even though his father was a
villain he died a
hero. It made the story that much better with those added deaths, and it gave us the emotional pull to continue to read.
Real life is like this, I mean we have all these struggles, trials, obstacles to overcome. Health, financial, transportation whatever your trial is, if you didn't have it, what would you have to work for? How would you be grateful for what you accomplished without them. I feel a huge responsibility as the
oldest daughter and oldest granddaughter to try and take care of everyone, and it is virtually impossible..Yet I still try to do it. I still put my needs behind those of my family, children, husband. It is something my
mother does too. I am most concerned about her because this is her father. He has been in her primary care for the last four years and lived with her. It is especially hard to know that the end for him is coming an I wonder how do I prepare for that? How to I plan, cope, deal. My first reaction is to cry my eyes out. Then I remember I have to be brave for everybody, and strong for my mom and its exhausting yet fulfilling too. I feel like I can do something for her. I wish I could do more.
This last quote above is one of my favorites. It is so true. I know that this is part of life. My grandfather is 90 years old he has survived multiple wars, multiple heart attacks, the death of his beloved wife of 50 years, and he has managed to stay on this earth for much longer then he planned. However while here he has taught us about, life, love, religion, politics, and he had an amazing sense of humor, always laughing and joking. I remember all the times he made my grandma so mad. These are the wonderful things I will remember. That is what makes it that much harder to say goodbye, because I will miss all those things, all those discussions where he said he had disowned me because i was a democrat, and all those times he made me laugh just because he could. He loves chocolate milk and pecan pie I will never look at those things the same way again but I will always love them. I wish I had said more things to him, or asked him more questions. I do know that I told him every day I saw him " I love you." I hope he knows that. I look at him now an all his fragility, it is so hard to see that strong an stubborn man I have known all my life reduced to this. However I need to remind myself that life is a gift, and I believe he has lived his to the absolute fullest. I need to follow that example an reach for everything I want out of this life, and no holding back. That is what he has done. I hope I get the privilege to live until I am 90 years old and tell all the amazing stories of my life, and all the amazing books I want to write. I hope I have grandchildren someday that will look upon me with the same love and affection I have for my grandfather and think that I have not wasted this life, I have loved, and lived and laughed a lot.
So I will leave you with a poem I found.
~Life is a work in progress as writing is...Until next time readers, and hopeful writers. Jess =)
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