The Writer who creates death, the Reader who embraces it with complete emotion and tears.

 Everyone has read that one book, where a character you love dies. It is one of those heart wrenching moments. Sometimes it adds more depth to your protagonist, and other times it is the protagonist. I have read books where I love the character, get all the way to the end and the author kills them! My first reaction is to throw book across room, second reaction is of disbelief. I think their is a small measure of grief that comes with that characters demise even if its in a fictional world. One that tore me apart was when Professor Dumbledore died, I was devastated. I wasn't even sure I wanted to read Deathly Hallows after his demise. It would not be the same. However I did read Deathly Hallows and it was explained why that character died and much of his life was given in that book too. It to this day is still one of my most favorite series of books, and the movies were pretty good too.

 In my book I just finished writing their was a poignant scene in which my guy protagonists mother dies from cancer, it was one of those times I struggled so much as a writer because I loved her so much. I was sad and emotional and I found that I couldn't write it. Instead I had her live to see the happy ending and then after the wedding pass. It was a scene I still wonder if I should include that death scene or leave be.

In my personal life right now I am dealing with the last days of my ailing grandfather he is not doing well and I am struggling to grieve and still be brave for my mothers whose father is dying, my siblings losing their grandfather, and my children who are losing a great-grandfather. I am somehow holding in my grief for the benefit of others, I am not sure if this is healthy but I am dealing with it slowly I think. As soon as he left the hospital after two weeks I understood it was not a good sign, the doctors said there was nothing else they could do. I can handle the facts. Today though I was told by the doctors and hospice nurse said that it will be anywhere from two days to two weeks that he will be gone. It is so strange that now having a date, or supposed date it is final, like its already over. In a book as a reader you don't have time to plan or expect the demise it just happens there is not time to grieve or wonder..It is sudden an awful at times, that is the emotions that the author portrays.

 The book "If I stay."by Gayle Foreman that question of mortality is taken to another plain entirely what if you were trapped between life and death what would you chose? This is a great book if you haven't read it.. I am reading it for a second time. I just rented to movie so I hope that turns out good too. To continue if an author is successful you are also immersed in that story and fully in that pain. It is a type of grief, I think all readers should experience at least once. As a writer however this is more difficult to write, I think because you have to reach deep into yourself an actually feel the pain. That is why I am struggling with it. I feel its necessary to go back into my book and write this scene and with all the emotion I am feeling now with my grandfather it will be raw and genuine I hope it will translate like I want it too.

 Another character and a completely different film that was difficult to see a character die was the one and only Obi Wan Can-obi, it was so sudden and shocking it took a few scenes to actually digest that it happened. I think that is what made it more powerful too. It is funny, if a writer tells the story correctly it doesn't matter if we are in space on on earth, or even a space between life an death we are there and feeling that grief. Yet if that death had not happened would Luke have stepped up and became a Jedi, or if Dumbledore had not sacrificed himself would Harry have done what he needed too to defeat Voldemort? These things not matter how horrible shaped these characters lives and helped them became the brave heroes they needed to be in their story. Without there bravery we would not have wanted Luke or Harry to succeed. Harry avenged his parents, and Dumbledore. Luke was able to see the good in his father when everyone else said he was a lost cause. Even though his father was a villain he died a hero. It made the story that much better with those added deaths, and it gave us the emotional pull to continue to read.

 Real life is like this, I mean we have all these struggles, trials, obstacles to overcome. Health, financial, transportation whatever your trial is, if you didn't have it, what would you have to work for? How would you be grateful for what you accomplished without them. I feel a huge responsibility as the oldest daughter and oldest granddaughter to try and take care of everyone, and it is virtually impossible..Yet I still try to do it. I still put my needs behind those of my family, children, husband. It is something my mother does too. I am most concerned about her because this is her father. He has been in her primary care for the last four years and lived with her. It is especially hard to know that the end for him is coming an I wonder how do I prepare for that? How to I plan, cope, deal. My first reaction is to cry my eyes out. Then I remember I have to be brave for everybody, and strong for my mom and its exhausting yet fulfilling too. I feel like I can do something for her. I wish I could do more.

 This last quote above is one of my favorites. It is so true. I know that this is part of life. My grandfather is 90 years old he has survived multiple wars, multiple heart attacks, the death of his beloved wife of 50 years, and he has managed to stay on this earth for much longer then he planned. However while here he has taught us about, life, love, religion, politics, and he had an amazing sense of humor, always laughing and joking. I remember all the times he made my grandma so mad. These are the wonderful things I will remember. That is what makes it that much harder to say goodbye, because I will miss all those things, all those discussions where he said he had disowned me because i was a democrat, and all those times he made me laugh just because he could. He loves chocolate milk and pecan pie I will never look at those things the same way again but I will always love them. I wish I had said more things to him, or asked him more questions. I do know that I told him every day I saw him " I love you." I hope he knows that. I look at him now an all his fragility, it is so hard to see that strong an stubborn man I have known all my life reduced to this. However I need to remind myself that life is a gift, and I believe he has lived his to the absolute fullest.  I need to follow that example an reach for everything I want out of this life, and no holding back. That is what he has done. I hope I get the privilege to live until I am 90 years old and tell all the amazing stories of my life, and all the amazing books I want to write. I hope I have grandchildren someday that will look upon me with the same love and affection I have for my grandfather and think that I have not wasted this life, I have loved, and lived and laughed a lot.

 So I will leave you with a poem I found.

~Life is a work in progress as writing is...Until next time readers, and hopeful writers. Jess =)

The Writer chooses the names, The Reader brings them to life! (Is a name, just a name?)

I am sure you have all read Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare, it was required reading when I was in high school. I fell in love with Will Shakespeare words, before I fell in love with a guy. His language was so romantic and it sounded cool not matter how many different ways you spoke it, or how many different accents used. (This was a fun activity in drama class BTW.) I read every play. I knew every word to Romeo and Juliet.
 Yet, I wonder if I would have loved William Shakespeare had his name been something different like. Albert or Elmer? As Shakespeare said: "What is in a name? That which we call a Rose, by any other name would it smell as sweet."

This brings me to my point this week, How important is a name? Does it really matter? Does it change our opinion of the story or the character. For example my name is Jessica. I am not a fan of my name I will tell you why: Everyone has it. All through grade school, middle school, high school, even college I had at least 5 Jessica's in every class, they had to come up with nicknames sometimes it was terrible. I mean I am grateful my parents didn't name me something weird but, I would have liked something less popular.  I truly think a name has a major impact on the story and its audience.
I mean no matter how gorgeous the guy is described if his name is: Sir Oliver Loser... the first thing that comes to mind is Loser right? Even if the guy is amazing you'll be thinking during the whole book, hes a loser. I have seen this in lots of books. It somewhat ruins the story for me. The other one that frustrates me is names I cannot pronounce. Changing the spelling of common names is great too; Like Jayson, or Mykel. However,it needs to be the same pronunciation, something similar or you have lost the audience in a name. This is a point my college creative writing teachers really pressed upon. I have never forgotten it either.  So ethnic and historical names are great if the general audience can understand them, and say them. Otherwise it is difficult to become part of that characters life and there world if you are not connected, and it begins through the name.  To me the name draws you attention on the back of the book, just like the title and cover draws you attention in the front. This is just my opinion though. I am an avid reader and as such I am looking for these things all the time. My hope is that it will make me a better writer too.

This week I was putting together my extensive cast list for my four book series.
As I was going through my list I realized I had four different Jack's?? What? Now mind you some of these names and characters are ones I had written over ten years ago with the start of this book. So I checked out baby name web sites, and checked out baby name books from the library. I love doing this because I feel like my characters are my kids so I take care when naming them just like you would with your own child. As your child grows so does the amount of friends they have etc. Also I realized a whole family didn't have names, etc. So I thoroughly enjoyed myself while naming them all and there children. I even wrote little bios for each of them. It is silly, but my family has grown larger so I have become attached lol, to them. In Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet; a name was the enemy, it was what kept Romeo and Juliet apart. It makes for a very dramatic play and story.
   

Characters and Secondary characters are what makes up a story. Some of my teachers had a firm belief that the secondary characters need to have as much back-story as the main characters. This works great for me because, I write in series so the same characters carry on to their own stories. This was a hugs drawback when I first began my story. I loved my secondary characters so much, I would jump from head to head, voice to voice, taking away from my love story and my heroine and hero. That I have learned is not what you want to do. I have learned to mention things small and little things here and their instead of huge monologues by them.

The coolest thing about a name I think is what it means to you, why did you chose it? When I chose the name, I can see the person, and they start to be real, it was an amazing discovery this week. With all that research in names, and characters, and small bios, I found new story ideas, and new scenes I can add etc. it opens doors when you find the right name. Keep in mind though when you are dealing with a period piece or a historical novel you need to make sure the name is accurate. I am pretty sure they didn't have all the Apples, and Kelsey's, and Maddison's that they do now. So its always important with cultural references too, specific cultures chose specific names based on religion, beliefs, family etc. so all those need to be considered too.

~Life is a work in progress as writing is...Until next time readers, and hopeful writers. Jess =)

The Writer who continues to learn, The Reader who continues to be inspired!

 I have discovered that everyday, I learn something new! It is fascinating to me! You think that after you reach a certain age you stop learning. I am happy to say, I am not one of those people. I think that the same thing applies to writing, it is a constant learning experience. When I started this blog I truly believed I had written a masterpiece. It was a marvel lol. Well maybe not that dramatic. Then I let others read it, I received great feedback, and then some that made me think? They wanted more details?  My logical and analytical mind had deleted those. I had convinced myself they were not necessary? Another person said they fell asleep because they were too tired to finish it. That at first upset me. Then I see how hard she works and I understood. My story was not memorable? I also realized I could print this copy tomorrow on amazon for free, but would it be my best work? Would it be something people would not want to put down, and be anxious for more? In its current state I think it is good but not great. I am sure I have not met any writers that believe there work is not great or a marvel. I am positive they are like me though and eventually see that is it incomplete and needs more. Everyone listens to there doubts and wonders if that is true this time its true. I am convinced that the feedback... I have received is positive and it is pushing me more to make something better. SO I am! For this I am so grateful for having the courage to share my book with others. It has been anxiety and stress filled with a wonderful result. I recommend it to all writers. Be Brave and let your baby walk to to others. You will see her differently not with rose colored glasses!

 I have had a few epiphanies lately with my Male characters. I have been developing back story for my second book and I realized, I had hardly a page of back story for the supposed finished first story. Why? Well because I had let my doubts take over, and I edited it too much. I read so many others say details take away from story. I have a tendency to listen to complete strangers in books more then trust my own instincts and inner writer voice. I have finally realized my writing includes these details, my scenes breath because of them and without those little details my page is bland and uninteresting. There were also complete scenes I had removed, when others read it, they asked what? Why did that happen?  I have all these wonderful ideas tucked into my head. I had not put them on paper yet because, I was not sure how they would affect my plot. Now I have discovered the key to blend them all together through out book one and book two! Had I sent this out already I would have not seen this, an had I kept my baby locked up tight and never shared it, I would have never looked at it as a READER. I have discovered, in order to be a good WRITER I have to be a good reader too. I have also figured out the reason so many people get rejected by editors is because they spend so much time making the story average and marketable they lose their voice. That is when the original story leaves and mediocre story begins. I will not have a mediocre story!

 This wave of discoveries has been a breakthrough for me. In conjunction with my epiphanies, I have also discovered that music plays a large part in my writing as well. I have developed playlists for each of my stories, the vibe I was thinking of and in doing so I have found so much inspiration in the melodies and the lyrics. I have loved music all my life. I have never thought it effected my writing? It does immensely in a positive way. Three songs have really inspired me lately. "Try" by Colbie Cailat, "Human" by Christina Perri, "Begin Again" by Taylor Swift. They are three songs that really describe my girl to a tee, and it is so cool listening to them and seeing my character come to life. Its like that quote below.

I am a reader, and I adore quotes. Sometimes I spend hours looking for them. I am particularly fond of ones about writing. I find one that speaks to me, encourages me, and uplifts me as a writer. Which might sound cheesy but it is true with all quotes I think we are constantly looking for that one quoted that fills us with hope or happiness and gets us through to next faze. Then once you have that it seems all else falls into place. This week alone I have wrote over 100 pages in the book that was already finished! It is funny because I am reading it and seeing all these things I thought I added, and realize I had taken them out on one of my editing nights. I lost a lot of my creative voice when I started listening to my logical and analytical one! I need to block those two out with more music I think!!

 So my fellow readers&writers, be anxious for my published work, but know that time is not now. It is still something I am perfecting. The wait I hope will be worth it for all of us. Also never stop listening to"that inner voice that says this isn't right." It is your characters telling you their story is not done, it needs to be more, it needs those extra details and dimensions to make it memorable not like every other book out their.

~Life is a work in progress as writing is...Until next time readers, and hopeful writers. Jess =)