As a mother and wife, I find myself constantly pulled in ten thousand directions, I always seem to put others before myself. I chose to do other things for them. Then my research on agents, or I miss critique meetings because my children are sick. I wonder sometimes if I will ever have time to complete my personal goals, like published novel, or college degree. Both things, I have consistently put off because I put family first. it is something at a young age I was taught to do.
My mom (whom I have a great relationship with now) walked out on my dad and us kids. Myself age 13, My sister age 7, and my brother age 6. So at the tender age of 13 I had to take on the responsibility of the household duties and my siblings with no help! I didn't know how to do laundry or cooking? My mom never taught me those things. I am not sure why. I taught myself, and I learned quick and I have always been the fixer and the planner. I am very good at helping others, I fall short when it comes to myself though.
It is a lengthy story, but at its heart is the most profound thing.
My mom spent her life taking care of my dad, us kids, the neighbor kids, daycare kids, in church daycare. She gave up her chance at a college degree, and good job with a cosmetic company (one she adored) to marry my dad. She was only 19. She an my father didn't communicate at all. My mom would think my dad could read her non-verbal signals (as we know men are not mind readers, neither are we) My mom spent her free time writing, she is one of my biggest inspirations to write. She was a fantastic poet, and writer. She told us stories, each day she would pick out a random word in the dictionary and we would learn its definition. It was amazing. I could see the light in her eyes an the excitement. It was contagious. She even had one of her stories published. She won a writing contest too. She was so excited she told my dad. He was UN-impressed. My mom was crushed. She stopped sending her writing out, and she stopped telling us stories. She gave up. She was so hurt, but she never told my dad. She still hasn't published her stories. I am trying to encourage her too. Its a challenge she has convinced herself she is no good and won't even try. I am working on it. =)
Mind you my dad was not perfect, I still wonder if she would have explained how much that meant to her, would his reaction have been the same? Why do I talk about this. Well in my own life I have seen many similarities to my mom and me. I find myself drifting away from my goals. Doing all for others and not myself. It is my husband that shakes me out of this funk and encourages me to pursue this dream. I am so lucky to have that.
My first year of college I told my dad I wanted to major in English. My dad told me that writing was not a job. That English teachers are a dime a dozen, and I needed to get a real job? I was crushed by that statement,so I changed my degree to Business in response to this. I respected my dad and thought he was right. I learned he was very wrong at least for me. I listened to the egotistical male teachers talk about business as if they were the kings. Everything was done only one way. It was so frustrating for me, my creative mind was screaming get me out of here. So I dropped business. I returned to English, with a minor in History. It was a great move for me. I loved school again and was learning everything I could. Still have not finished that degree, I am very close and, returning to school hopefully the winter term. Moral to this is I need to get moving on my goals.
My reading this week has included a lot of publishing, and agent books, as well as the writers market. My research brain is tired. I am making sure to educate myself with this business decision, my agent and my book.
I am reminded of one of the first series books I read at the age of 13. The Little House on the Prairie series, I also loved the television show when I was a kid. Wonderful stories. Wonderful family. My love of history and creative imagination loved these.
Here is a link to learn more about the
Author: Laura Ingalls Wilder;
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laura_Ingalls_Wilder
A wonderful read for any little girl, and great intro to series books!
The list of books (thanks to Wikipedia):
Little House books
The eight "original" Little House books, were published by
Harper and Brothers with illustrations by
Helen Sewell (the first three) or by Sewell and Mildred Boyle.
- Little House in the Big Woods (1932) – named to the inaugural Lewis Carroll Shelf Award list in 1958
- Farmer Boy (1933) – about Almanzo Wilder growing up in New York
- Little House on the Prairie (1935)
- On the Banks of Plum Creek (1937)[b]
- By the Shores of Silver Lake (1939)[b]
- The Long Winter (1940)[b]
- Little Town on the Prairie (1941)[b]
- These Happy Golden Years (1943)[b]
